Relatively being in the eyes of the beholder.
I've been ensuring mom feels fine and gets all her stuff done. Lately, she's been getting tired quickly. She's telling me it's tougher than usual to get things done. That she will look at her budget and see if she can survive with what she makes. That things just take too long lately. That she feels so slow.
It really breaks my heart. I remember Mom being so active and energetic. And now to watch her slow down. It feels strange. And scary too.
I think part of it is not having dad around to help her or having dad to be taken care of. I don't know. All I know is that I do see her slowing down.
I think part of it is not having dad around to help her or having dad to be taken care of. I don't know. All I know is that I do see her slowing down.
The relatively attacks.
We went to midnight Mass. A small group since nephew and niece in law were in OK City, oldest niece and nephew in law are in Tulsa and youngest niece and nephew in law are in Europe.
We went to midnight Mass. A small group since nephew and niece in law were in OK City, oldest niece and nephew in law are in Tulsa and youngest niece and nephew in law are in Europe.
Just Sis, Bro in law, middle niece, mom and I.
Oh, and Dad.
I felt him next to me at church.
I could not sing.
I choked.
I covered it up with a "cough" and throat clearing.
When those waves come through, I have the hardest time not falling apart. It takes a lot of concentration just not to cry, not to break down. Yeah, I am wrong, am sure, in may ways. I try to maintain for mom's sake. I have no idea if she can tell or if she knows, but I just feel that i need to be strong and hang in there for her sake.
And those waves are trying so hard to break down the dam.
And they come ... strong .... steady ... plowing at me.
And I hold back. And my voice cracks when singing. And I think of other things.
And I know.
It'll come back.
I choked.
I covered it up with a "cough" and throat clearing.
When those waves come through, I have the hardest time not falling apart. It takes a lot of concentration just not to cry, not to break down. Yeah, I am wrong, am sure, in may ways. I try to maintain for mom's sake. I have no idea if she can tell or if she knows, but I just feel that i need to be strong and hang in there for her sake.
And those waves are trying so hard to break down the dam.
And they come ... strong .... steady ... plowing at me.
And I hold back. And my voice cracks when singing. And I think of other things.
And I know.
It'll come back.
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