It has taken me 51 years but I think I got the hang of some things (yah, right). Specially when it comes to parents . . . and to elderly parents the most:
One, live in the now. Today, after dinner at my sister's, we were on our way home. No official fireworks out here. Too damp and wet. BUT there were some in the vicinities and off we went on the hunt for fireworks. And found some, and got a little lost, and mom freaked out cause it was foggy. And started with "turn around, turn around." And got tense and practically straight out of the seat . . .
Anyhow, just another moment with my folks. I learned that I need to enjoy them. The moments. Them too. Its frustrating at times but I do. Not by thinking "they are going to die so enjoy them" but by thinking "they are a gift, enjoy them."
Two, can't change them . . . the moments or the parents. My folks are basically 80 years old (mom keeps reminding us that she is a little younger than dad) and at times they seem not quite there, or they take longer to walk, or they need those instructions written out so they can do it again, or they marvel at the fact that you figured out how to solve some problem . . . enjoy it. You won't change them. They'll change you. Thats part and parcel of this living thing. People change you, and your folks still have the power to change you.
Three, you will face some tough issues. One of the toughest for me is my own mortality. I am going to live forever (I decided) so I can avoid that thought. Some people embrace it like no one's business. I avoid thinking about it as much as I can. And don't ask me to talk about it, cause I just don't like to do so.
Four, a walk away does wonders for your patience. I'm just saying.
Five, the more she keeps wishing you lived nearby, the tougher it will be so say goodbye (or se you later). Mom has a way of making me feel guilty cause I live in Austin and not in Norman. But I have a life and a profession in the ATX. Some day it will change and I'll be in Norman Town, OKie land . . . meantime, call as much as you can.
Six, call as much as you can. Just saying. Helps to cover the miles.
Seven, God invented cameras, God updated to digital cameras - take loads and loads of pictures. Even those that you will never share cause they show a side of your folks you don't want others to see. They will come in handy one day. They will be amazing one day. And hell, they are digital. Save them on the external hard drive and move on.
OK, so I am not an expert. Just learning. But I wanted to share for anyone who may read this. Or maybe just for myself.
1 comment:
Thank you for visiting my Blog. I have not been there in 10mths since losing my husband to cancer. It was my intention to delete it until I read your comment and your Blog. You sound a very loving and exceptional son who cares deeply for his parents; they must be so proud of you. You must never worry about tomorrow for it has its own plans for all of us and nothing we can do will ever alter that. You just have to believe that during difficult times strength will and does come from a place within you, you never thought existed.
I shall try to take up blogging again thanks to you. You see! Angels have their own way of sending someone to another's doorstep in their hour of need. Thank you.
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